Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
