how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
