She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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