new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
