Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
