Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
