It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
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I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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