in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
this boner is exhausting
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
