Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
