My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
