i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
