drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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