and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
