my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
