im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
