I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
