hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
