i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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