Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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