She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
