I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
