I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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