i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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