possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
