i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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