I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
