How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
