have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
whose parrot is this?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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