Someone shit on the floor
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
