Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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