I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize