and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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