i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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