I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
