She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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