You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I believe in your delicious
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
