Can i not drive my cunt home
Someone shit on the floor
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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