Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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