She said her name was "party"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
