My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
