My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
