I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
