so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
