We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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