I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
