I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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