he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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