I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
