My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize