good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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