We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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