I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
