The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
