I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You need a sexual gate keeper
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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