is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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