How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
