yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
