They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
