The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
