1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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