get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
