You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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