I am spending my child support on dildos
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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