C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
