Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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