I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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