I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
