are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
