I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
