Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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