I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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