it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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