I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
