Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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