found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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