I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
