Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
