had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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