Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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