Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
