I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
