We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
