RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
