Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
