I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
