Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
